The Indonesia Phenomenon

This title is only partly true. More accurately, there seems to be an American phenomenon concerning family. While in America, I’ve always enjoyed my independence, and touted myself as someone who needs “alone time.” And while I would never relinquish my moments of solitude, anywhere in the world, my appreciation and desire for a close family is never greater than when I am away. It seems to be a truly American phenomenon where each member of the family is off on their own for most hours of the day and night and weekly or monthly phone calls become more than sufficient contact. Very rarely have I met families who call each other daily (or several times daily). Instead, this has become some quaint quality in “traditional” families (and yet something quaint is never so desired as to be adopted by the majority). But abroad- while my experience is admittedly limited- everyone else seems to understand that family is really the most important of human relationships. I will not allow this observation to hang so close to the surface as to ignore that yes, there are bad families. If a wife wants to leave an abusive husband, she might be successful, or because family is everything here, she may lose it all- home, pride, respect, and children. But in a very traditional family, if one is lucky enough to still have parents and grandparents, there is always help to go to, and chances are all of those family members still live nearby if not on the same property. How lucky to be able to walk ten yards and be welcomed by your mother- and only ten more to find your grandmother. I’ve been told numerous times that to have a small family here would just be lonely. People scoff at the idea of permanently moving somewhere more than a days drive from their parents. All of this is so against an American perspective of the ideal family unit where family members spread the continent, if not the world. What is interesting, though, is that even though all the Americans I meet here are just as independent as I am, we all have this shared nostalgia for a past American culture we never actually saw. I love my new life here, if only Indonesia was next door to Reno. Sometimes this world seems much too small, but right now it seems awfully large.